An Hour of Re-Impressions: "Elebits: The Adventures of Kai and Zero"

Okay, recently I've come to a bit of a snag a couple of minutes ago with video games. "Well, what is your problem?" you might ponder, although probably not because you might not even care about my snag. Well, I'm going to tell you anyways. My snag with video games is that I have no video games to beat. Backlog is obliterated. Gone. No more.

While this has been a bit of a blessing, as I can do something else now, it is a curse, as it's freezing cold and there's nothing else to do other than sit around the house and get fat. So I came up with a solution, "Why don't I replay old games I only vaguely remember, and write an article on what I remember of it back when I first played it, replay it for a whole hour, and write up my impressions on what I think of it now." As you can see, this is what I'm going to do.

First up to the bat is an old game for the DS, Elebits: The Adventures of Kai and Zero. Bit of a boring title, to be honest, but whatever. Let's look at some data about the game.

Title: Elebits: The Adventures of Kai and Zero

Platform(s): Nintendo DS

Release Date: December 11, 2008(Japan); January 6, 2009(North America); February 20, 2009(PAL)

Age I Played It Last: I was about 10, or maybe just over 10, years old I believe.

What I Remember: I remember being small and loving this game. I played at least 3 or 4 hours a day when it came first came out. I remember that it was like this super cartoon-y game where you charged yourself with electricity or something, and you would use it on getting you further and on you're special Elebits that would use a special element(such as water or fire). It was more of a puzzle game than anything I think. I also remember it being super hard for me. That's pretty much it.

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Alright, time to get down to it. The way I'm going to do this is that I'm going to start the timer and let it run for sixty whole minutes after I launch the game. So I'll put pretty pictures of anything awesome/funny/dumb/whatever I want to accompany the article. After sixty minutes is up, I'll give my new impression and compare it to what I remember.

Here I go...

An Hour of Re-Impressions: "Elebits: The Adventures of Kai and Zero"

Wow. That was boring.

No, seriously, that was one of the top 5 most boring games I've ever played.

Time for me to give you a low down on it. When you launch it up, it has a little cutscene that is meant as an introduction to the game. The plot is setup as that there's these little creatures called "elebits" and there's this little kid, Kai, has a mom and a dad who thoroughly research these elebits. According to the Kai, his parents never pay attention to him and he rants about how he needs his parents full attention all the time. Then suddenly the power goes out due to this mysterious elebit that goes by "Zero." Now, the setup isn't that bad, it's just that everything else is bad.

I have a few quite a few things that are problems so far, there's a narrator speaking for Kai, and the person sounds like a pre-pubecent Spongebob Squarepants that spent a night doing nosecandy with Lindsey Lohan and contracted a bad cold from standing in a freezer for too long. No, for real. And also, it's just a fancy slideshow with pictures that look like they were drawn in MS Paint. It's pretty tragic.

After that annoyance, the menu showed up, I see my old save file and an option to start a new save file. I tapped on the empty one and it prompted me to choose a language, I clicked English. It asked me for a name, I named myself "Asshat." I tap on Story Mode, and off we go... to more cutscenes. Yaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy.

The cutscene was that essentially Kai and Zero find an old bus in a broken down shack behind their house or something, Kai is all like "Hey Zero, lets make this our new club house! becauseabrokendownbusisthebestplaceforaclubhouse." But when they step in, Zero goes haywire and the bus teleports or something. You end up on another world apparently, as explained the bus that can apparently talk now. The bus explains that Kai's father built him to be a time machine, but his Kai's father wouldn't get him to work, but Zero triggered him instead. The bus explains that his name is "G.G."(Yes, just G.G.) and that he was supposed to teleport in time or something but just "warped" instead. Ummmm, what's the difference between "teleport" and "warp"? Okay, moving on.

Oh look it's gameplay time! The moment I've been waiting for. 10 or so minutes and finally sweet, sweet gameplay. Oh wait, it sucks ass. Turns out, the gameplay is going around, tapping on elibets, and tapping on Zero to collect the elebits. The elebits give you "watts" that allow you to do such as open doors and these little sliding thingies that help you get across a chasm or body of water. It's not fun. It's tedious and boring, it feels like a required collect-a-thon. How I hate collect-a-thons. After I get 100 Watts, I open a door that leads to a small village with 3 very small houses, and what seemed to be 5 guys and 1 girl, so I guess nobody from Fox News lives here, as there would have to be either some polygamists or homosexuals in the small village. I was soon stood corrected, as the leader of the town was an old white guy spewing that Zero was some kind of "chosen one" and that Zero was known as an Omega Elebit. He then directed me to go save this guy that got trapped by another Omega that shoots fire, it had a really bad puzzle and I saved the guy. He told me to take the elebit, so now I have a fire-breathing elebit. Now I can burn everything now, right? No, I can't. I can only burn tree branches that block my path.

I continue on and collect two other Omega Elebits. One is a warp one that warps you back to G.G. and another that shoots ice that can only freeze water. I get them, go back to the village, and then a boss fight.

The boss fight wasn't anything special. You lit these torch places on fire with the fire Omega, and then launch little people up at the boss on the top screen by dropping them in the torch place things. It's a timing thing pretty much as the boss moves around everywhere. It takes Zero skill(see wat I did there harhar) to beat the boss. I beat the boss when it hit the 60 minute mark. I turned off my 2DS, and came here to write about what happened. Nothing much really happened. It wasn't fun.

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I feel dumb for liking that when I was younger. I just want to get that out of the way.

Now, the story is alright for the first hour I guess, but the gameplay is really tedious and boring. The visuals are decent, but it feels like I had seen it before, like it was really uninspired. The song(Yes, song, plural.) was okay, but repeated over and over and made me just turn the sound off altogether, but I was okay with that anyways because the sounds felt really sub-par to me. The sounds felt really scratchy; but maybe that's just because it's a game for the original DS, and quite a few of the games can sound a bit scratchy.

Overall, it's not the epic game I remember it being. The story is the best thing it has going for it I guess, and that's still mediocre at best.

So I decree that this game gets a...

"NAY!"

That means I didn't like it, and I'll probably never pick it back up.

If I had to chose a odd DS game to replay, I'd just say The Legendary Starfy. Seriously, if you haven't, play The Legendary Starfy. That game is a greatly overlooked title.