WASHINGTON, DC – Local authorities responded today to a report of an elderly man with an incredibly foul mouth causing a disturbance at Doug's Card and Game Shop, the site of a local Pokémon X&Y tournament.
Described as approximately 70 years old, of medium height and build, with a light complexion and a thinning crop of white hair under a tan flat cap, tournament organizers stated that the man had properly signed-up for the tournament, brought a Nintendo 3DS, and appeared mild-mannered until his first match began, at which point he began to "talk shit like a Def Jam comedian" to his opponent, an eleven-year-old boy.
Witnesses reported that, upon seeing his opponent's first team, the man laughed and asked aloud, "Really? Is that all you got?" and proceeded to warn the young boy that, "I'm about to take your punk-ass to school."
Throughout the match, the elderly man was said to have enthusiastically mocked his opponent, referring to himself numerous times as a "real Pokémon master" and to the boy as a "trifling chump." Observers noted that the man defeated his opponent quickly and with ease because he had assembled an "amazing" team of rare and powerful Pokémon.
Upon being escorted from the tournament by police, the man was overheard shouting, "You can't handle my fire!" and seen flipping-off stunned onlookers.
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