Kirby Hospitalized, Condition Critical

DREAM LAND – Reports were confirmed today that Kirby, star of the new Kirby: Triple Deluxe, was admitted to the hospital last week in critical condition. Public health officials organized a press conference to alert the public to their findings.

"Kirby's a-got a venereal disease," announced Dr. Mario, in an emergency public broadcast. "People – it's a very serious and contagious strain that's a-potentially deadly without treatment."

"So if you've ever been a-copied by Kirby, you need to get yourself a-tested right away!"

With medical consequences for tens of thousands, clinics and hospitals soon reported that individuals from Green Greens to the Fountain of Dreams were heeding the calls of their public health officials and crowding waiting rooms.

"Not gonna lie, I'm a little worried," said Meta Knight, standing in a long line at the clinic, bobbing nervously.

"The potential for epidemic here is a-sky high," Dr. Mario explained from his podium, looking serious yet cheery. "The way that a-Kirby is constantly copying DNAs, it's a-the ultimate patient zero."

Health outreach organizers have already announced an awareness campaign urging people to overcome the shame of being copied by Kirby, come together as a community, and help stop this disease.

"We are united," will read one billboard, with the words written against a distinctive, round, hungry shadow.


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