Manly Man Meals for Manly Men and Women -- Veal

Oh, hello there — I didn't see you through all the innocence of this creature. Sometimes I am almost taken back by the beauty of this world and the animals that roam in it; I look at my fists and wonder why it is I do whatever it is that I do. Was I born this way, or do I choose to live like this, to inflict suffering to things daily? And then my thoughts come back to this picture. I gaze long and hard, thoughtfully at it. Why does it have to be so cute?

Why can't it just be my meal?

So today, I'm going to show you how to make this deliciously innocent creature the tastiest of meals that you have ever gorged yourself upon. Get ready, because this one is gonna hurt.

Ingredients:

  • Cow
  • Bunnies
  • Cutlery
  • Gumption

Steps:

  • Vealnap a newborn from its cow-mother and raise it as your own.
  • Toss your cutlery at the animal in a fit of rage because you should know full-well you won't be using anything more than your hands for this endeavor, and you just wasted $200 on a new set
  • Using bunnies as your weapon, slay the mini-food. As an added flavor bonus, scream, 'Why are you doing this?!' at the creature while you end it. The sheer amount of confusion it feels will add pure taste to the meat.
  • Cook the veal with your fists
  • Consume the veal

And there you have it, ladies and gentlemen — the perfect way to prepare veal. By eating this you will prove yourself a worthy champion; one that is not intimidated by an animal's cuddly-wuddliness, but instead empowered by their yummy-wumminess!