I guess an interesting aspect about my life is the fact that I've moved around from place to place fairly often. So, before I moved to Arizona, I had never even heard of a Jack In The Box. I've been here for . . . about five or six years now, I think, and there's one of their establishments literally a minute from my place. Yet, I've never bothered to try the place out . . . Until tonight, that is.
First off, I need to tell you guys that I'm surprisingly easily swayed and gullible. I have the consumer responsibility and awareness of a child when it comes to fancy ads. If I like the commercial, I'll have a fond image of the product or service. It's why I like geckos. And it's certainly why I bothered to check out JITB after so long. Now, Jack In The Box has always been hit and miss about their marketing with me. They either have cool and funny ads that cheer me up, or unsophisticated and tasteless attempts to try to sell me something. But, the other day, while watching something on Hulu, I ran into this:
I told you I'm a child. I don't even know what was so appealing about it. It just . . . It made me chuckle. And to be honest, I thought the grilled cheeseburger seemed good. And that's how we ended up here.
Oh, by the way, I have a confession to make . . . This isn't actually the first time I've tried their Munchie Meals . . . It's the third. About a week ago, I forget which day to be exact, I had my best friend over. It was around 02:00 am, and we were hungry. And, there's nothing open at those hours, except the most wretched of food places . . . Because yea, you know? So we figured why not. We decided to go with the Munchie Meal, because we'd made so many stoner jokes by then, it only seemed right. We got home, sat down right in front of my TV, kicked some empty bottles and bags of chips out of the way, and decided to watch some Gurren Lagann while laughing at the most stupidest shit ever. There's a reason I don't drink, by the way. But I digress. This is supposed to be a food review. Unfortunately, amidst the chaos, I somehow ended up not taking the pictures I thought I took. So, we're just gonna have to make due with the ones I took a few minutes ago, with Mr. Midnight Munchie Meal Jr. The Third.
So, the meal includes two tacos, some fries, your sandwich of choice, and a drink you can drink. And, well . . . That's no taco. 'Murican taco legitimacy aside, that is totally not appetizing. I mean, it's so stale, hard, and . . . Tacos shouldn't feel humid like that. I remember on that first night, after taking a bite, I turned towards my friend and asked if I should go to the doctor and get checked for diseases. Because . . . Eegh. But you know, on my recent trial, it didn't turn out to be so bad. Sure, it tastes like Satan's armpit, but at least it had a flavor this time, you know? I'm not at all fond of that apparent need for spiciness in pseudo-"Mexican" food, so my first complaint was about how it was spicy. It's not even the nice type of spicy, where the hotness adds, well, spice. It was more of a "We use derivatives of anesthesia as our artificial ingredients 78% of the time" type of spiciness. Oh, who am I kidding. This is mostly artificial. I mean, I can't imagine any of this being alive at some point . . . At least not naturally. But whatevs, food's food. And thus, the flatworm in my stomach (which I named Willy, by the way) had Thanksgiving early.
Why is it that the pictures of stuff on menus never looks like the stuff you end up with? Don't answer that, by the way. It's a rhetorical question. They're literary devices commonly used to explain why dinosaurs were totally purple-shaped. Purple is a shape now. I promise. Look it up. Oh, yea, the burger, huh? Dude, that burger may look nasty, but it's actually quite good. I mean, look at the following picture. At least the cheese looks cheesy, right? It kinda also looks like . . . Pluurghyuuu . . . But it tastes like cheese, so it's all good.
Is this a good time to mention that there's a Djent/Progressive Metal band called Anup Sastry? No joke . . . They're actually quite nice.
To be honest, this burger tastes exactly what it sounds like it will. I mean, most of the time, I like to listen to what my food says before devouring it, and this burger has to be one of the most honest and polite human beings I've had the pleasure of discussing my ex-girlfriend with, so I can definitely vouch for its taste. In all seriousness, though, it's a good burger. It's simple, it's kinda trashy, but it's good. For some reason, I ended up really liking the meat on that patty. And afterwards, I tried another one of Jack's burgers, and it's not the same. The one I had a while ago was also good, so maybe it's just that specific burger. Which makes me believe they have some giant cow carcass somewhere in the underground Jack In The Box facilities where they carve all the meat from.
And, last but not least . . . I'm gonna review "Spin The Taco". Awh man, you guys have no idea how hard we laughed at this, and how I nearly died while playing it. Of course, a review must be objective about subjectivity, so I'll be honest and say that the game's mechanics could use a little help. For starters, tacos aren't exactly easy to spin without them ending up splattered all over an amp and distortion pedals. Also, tacos are the worst kissers. And I swear, I wasn't chewing grape-flavored gum before eating. Overall, it was amusing, though. Then again, anything is hilarious to me at times. Like this picture:
To be honest, this is quite scary when you think about it . . .
So, yea. Final thoughts? Jack In The Box is the antichrist, and they're secretly using your money to fund the revival of Hitler. Or something like that. Honestly, the only times I can see myself eating their food is when I'm absolutely desperately hungry at night, since I tend to skip meals sometimes and end up messing up my food schedule. They're . . . Ok, I guess. Given that the only other option late at night is Taco Bell, there's not much to do about it, you know?